Top 10 Signs You're In A Real Blues Juke Joint

1. There Are Four Light Fixtures Above the Front of the Stage

...with two burned-out, and two working colored bulbs. This is a fairly typical Blues club light show. You will soon realize that the sensory experience of beautiful lighting isn't essential to a great time. The goal is just enough light for the musicians to see, but not enough to illuminate the crowd, who would rather carry-on in the shadows. The grooves of the Blues and the vibe of the crowd are more than enough to illuminate the night.

2. There Are Two Small Speakers and One Microphone

Great sound is not imperative in a Blues juke joint. The sound equipment is usually worn out, woefully under-powered, or just plain cheap. Doesn't matter, you'll find that talented musicians can make any equipment sound good as they temper their instruments to the club. It will be loud, but not quite loud enough to be painful. There had always been a battle between musicians and crowd noise, and it wasn't until the advent of electric instruments that musicians finally got the upper hand.

3. The Place Is A Little Scarey

A portion of any great adventure isn't always fun, so you should be prepared to walk in a place you might not ordinarily frequent. Blues jukes usually have a wide variety of people, and you'll soon feel at home watching formal dance with down-home. There will be people drinking, but for the most part alcohol-fueled trouble is rare these days. The real danger is thinking a place is wilder than it is, and assuming stupid behavior is tolerated. Need we say more?

4. You Pass Between the Guitar Player and Bass Player to Get to the Restroom

Not an uncommon experience in a Blues juke. Stages are usually an afterthought in these small spaces, and the least used areas tend to be near the restrooms. Hence the default stage location. It is a good opportunity to say hello, make a request, or tip band members as you pass. Ladies beware! Because of it's close proximity, sometimes the drummer can see whatever it is that ladies do in restrooms.

5. The Parking Lot Is As Fun As the Club

Essential to a great juke is a large dirt parking lot where folks pour out on band breaks for "fresh air". You might even find horses and cows in the parking lot sharing space with a wide variety of vehicles. SUVs and sleek sports cars may populate the lot, but everything gonna be alright when that beat-up "bluesmobile" shows up. Word of caution: local authorities consider the parking exit as a prime spot to nab intoxicated drivers. Be cool!

6. There Is Barbeque Sold Somewhere In Or Around the Juke

The blues and barbecue come together like milk and cookies, so you can bet an enticing aroma will be wafting around the club. Some places sell inside the place, some places cook on a grill outside, and some places will just have a pick-up truck pull up and dish it out the back. In Texas you get beef brisket, in Mississippi you get pork ribs, in Georgia and South Carolina you get pulled pork. No matter, your beverage bottle is gonna get greasy.

7. The Wall of Black and White 8 X 10s

If you're new to the Blues, you won't recognize a single artist. If you're a Blues fan, you'll envy all those who attended these long-gone nights, and fantasize what it would have been like to have been there sweating out those shows. You might even find a collection of posters, covered in nicotine and barely sticking to the wall, that lump several artists into a "wish-I-had-been there" moment. Blues is history, and a great juke is a Blues museum.

8. The Dancer

Common to many Blues clubs is the one regular who is an exceptional dancer. Not unlike a disco, members of the opposite sex literally form a line for their turn to be swept onto the floor. You can also find that interpretive dancer with whom nobody will dance. Some jukes even have their own version of specific dances. You know you're in a juke joint when they start flopping on the floor doing the "gator", but they all "gator" a little different around the South. Don't wear a white shirt.

9. The Squatter

Many clubs have important regulars who are afforded prime seating anytime they show up. Some jukes will even put signs and plaques to designate the exclusivity of a particular seat. You can safely bet your last dollar that these regulars are there every week, and if by some chance they don't appear, it will be the talk of the evening. These tend to be the Blues fans with the best stories. Don't belive them.

10. Autographed Broken Drum Heads Hang from the Wall

Celebrating past beatings, they are ugly trophies of a great time. Typically the whole band will sign it, with maybe only one signature actually being readable. The star of the show can usually be distinguished by the graceful stroke of his autograph, coming from years of practice. Some heads that are not broken can even be removed and hustled to the stage to replace a broken head for a drummer who can't afford an extra. They can be night-savers.